Class helps parents of mentally ill
children help themselves
By LISA BRAMEN
December 03, 2006
This year, Melody and Kevin Byrnes
of Queensbury will be spending Christmas the same way they spent
Thanksgiving: visiting their eldest son, Kevin, 20, in a locked
mental health care facility.
It isn't their ideal holiday
arrangement, but it is preferable to the circumstance they were in a
few months ago, when Kevin, who has bipolar disorder, lived on the
streets of Glens Falls for four weeks before finally coming home and
consenting to get help.
"He's been on a roller-coaster ride
for the last year," Mrs. Byrnes said.
So has the rest of the family,
including the younger Byrnes sons, Michael, 15, and Matthew, 18.
Mental illness causes suffering not only in those it afflicts, but
also in the people close to them.
On a recent evening, the Byrneses
and about a dozen other people with mentally ill family members met
in a room at Glens Falls Hospital for a graduation ceremony.
The ceremony recognized their
completion of a 12-week class offered by the National Alliance for
the Mentally Ill, which taught them how to better cope with mental
illness and its effects.
The class, which is offered every
fall, covers the basics of the most common mental illnesses,
medications, problem-solving techniques and communication skills,
and helps students learn to become advocates for their loved ones
while protecting their own emotional health.
The association also offers support
groups for family members, which meet at 7 p.m. on the first and
third Mondays of every month at the East Side Center at 230 Maple
St. in Glens Falls.
The Byrneses have found the
association so helpful that Mr. Byrnes is becoming president of the
North Country chapter next month for a two-year term, and Mrs.
Byrnes is training to teach the class.
Speaking about their son's mental
illness recently, the Byrneses, who are both middle school teachers,
seemed remarkably well-adjusted. But they weren't always so
accepting.
The first signs of trouble began
appearing when Kevin was in middle school. He seemed depressed, and
had difficulty connecting with his peers.
At first, the Byrneses questioned
their parenting. Then they thought it was the school. But after
changing schools several times, when the problems would reappear
within a few weeks, they knew something deeper was wrong.
They took Kevin to a doctor, who
diagnosed him with bipolar disorder. After some trial and error, he
was put on medications that helped minimize his symptoms, and went
to BOCES for high school, graduating with a Regent's diploma in
2005.
Kevin was stable during high
school, but everything fell apart in fall of 2005 when he moved to
Florida to attend an art college, where he planned to study computer
animation.
"He lasted two weeks. He went off
his medication," Mrs. Byrnes said. "I don't think he was disciplined
enough to take it on his own."
Off his medication, Kevin was often
manic. He had racing thoughts, was obsessive and would act
inappropriately. In Florida, he met some people who trashed his
home. His parents came down and helped him clean up the mess, then
brought him home to Queensbury.
But things weren't much better
there. Still off his medication, he couldn't keep a job, going
through seven in one year.
"He's extremely bright," Mrs.
Byrnes said, but he lacked social and coping skills. At home, he was
combative and disruptive.
His parents couldn't handle him,
and their other sons were also suffering.
"We reached a point where we
realized, we've got to rescue some part of this family," Mr. Byrnes
said. In August, they gave Kevin an ultimatum -- get help or leave
their home. He chose to leave.
"The hardest thing was letting go,"
Mrs. Byrnes said. They didn't hear from him for four weeks.
"No matter how many nights we had
cried together," she said, she and her husband knew they were doing
what they had to do.
Finally, on the first day of
school, Kevin showed up at her classroom door and told her, "I need
help." They took him to Four Winds Hospital in Saratoga Springs.
The Byrneses learned that Kevin had
been living on the streets of downtown Glens Falls, staying at the
Madden Hotel or sleeping on park benches.
Now, he's at a private facility in
Brewster, N.Y. They're grateful he is getting help, is back on
medication and learning life skills.
They've turned their attention to
educating themselves about the illness and advocating for their son.
They hope to help others going through something similar learn what
they have.
The Byrneses are optimistic that
Kevin can learn to live productively with his illness, but they know
it will always be a struggle.
"This isn't going away," Mrs.
Byrnes said. "This is the rest of our lives -- it's just the way it
is."
Information: For more information
about NAMI or the Family to Family Education Program, call Nancy
Harrigan at 543-6104.
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